Firdauz takes 5

Aku benci dengan diri aku lately.

Badan dah macam gajah, muka macam orang tak mandi, lepas tu, rambut tak re-perm lagi.

Jadi pagi tadi, aku berpeluang melihat office baru, semua warna orange. Dan, aku gembira.

Sebab sampai hari ini, aku masih memakai jeans setiap hari ke office.

Dan aku benci hakikat bulan ini, PCB (Potongan Cukai Berjadual) aku adalah RM 687. No jokes. Jadi aku berkata “Lantaklah, bulan ini aku akan shopping bagai seorang bimbo, dan akan membawa ramai lagi bimbo untuk shopping bersama.”

Jadi, bimbo mana yang free hujung minggu ni.

Jom shopping nak?

Last Friday and Saturday, i spent the whole day at home having friends came by and cooking meals for them.

Hidayah, whose birthday was only a day after mine came for dinner on Friday, while my princess Elle Mische whose birthday i didn’t remember came for lunch on Saturday.

“I told Yantie about your sandwich,” Hidayah came with her friend Yanti. Hidayah’s boyfriend Godop came later that night and joined us watching 2 movies – Frequency and The Fountain.

“Tapi sandwich tu sekarang dah evolved jadik omelette la Dayah,” during my university years, i used to make sandwiches and sold them to students. Egg sandwich was my specialty.

“Ala, lama tak makan sandwich Ajie buat.” People used to call me Ajie. Back in student years, they kinda have nicknames for everyone.

For it had become my specialty recently, this omelette never failed to impress anyone.

“The best omelette is when you use just about anything from the fridge.” Hidayah told me.

But i didn’t quite agree with her except when later she complimented my fridge. And nearly everyone had complimented my fridge and i loved every feeling of it. To have known that i owned one of the sexiest machines on earth.

“I want to steal your fridge,”

“Isn’t it sexy Elle Mische.”

For Hidayah and Yanti, i made them omelette and chicken soup. The soup was a bit salty due to using a cheaper chicken stock. The first ingredient written on the label of the chicken stock i bought was salt, and only the forth ingredient was chicken meat and fat. Being concern with price, i thought the real chicken stock with 91% chicken was a tad overpriced.

For Elle Mische my dear princess, i made her omelette and beef steak while putting my prayers to silence.

“Firdauz, should i come for dinner or lunch?”

“Both. You’re free the entire day right?”

I prayed to spend the entire Saturday just with Elle Mische – i missed her that much. But He put my own voice on the answering machine when i dialed His number. “For my own amusement.” He text me back. Because God had too much amusement and because Elle Mische was a sweetheart who came with 2 boxes of chocolates and biscuits, i made her a welcome drink.

“I make you a funny drink okay. And if you don’t like it, i’ll finish it.”

If everyone who came into my house had been served with a selection of wines, carbonated and yoghourt drinks, for Elle Mische, i mixed all of them into a glass.

“It’s not funny tasting,” she took a sip.

“It’s not bad also,” and then she took another sip.

“Okay, this is mine, you do yours.” She took the glass and i passed her the coaster.

Unlike the roller-coaster in His amusement park, this drink was a carnival. With songs from Corrine Bailey Rae’s second CD and Coldplay’s Viva La Vida playing in the background, we traded pleasant smiles as the main dialogue.

And a gentle kiss on the cheek and a warm hug being the epilogue.

We went grocery shopping at a local supermarket, located about 2 minutes away from my house.

I pushed the cart, filling it with red meat, prawns, mussels, broccoli, pineapple, baby spinach, seasoning, ice cream – all kind of things. She had the cutest smile, the kind of my liking. In her blue jeans and white t-shirt, she could have been the best shopping companion i ever had. The laid back, relaxed and happy go lucky kind of girl.

“Kenapa tak ambik yang besar?” I asked about the 2 small packages of Hello Panda biscuits.

“Tak nak lah.” I figured she enjoyed having varieties over quantity.

After the heartless cashier took away all the big notes i had, and after i contributed to the country’s economic growth, Diah drove me home.

“Betul ke dua minit? I start kira sekarang tau,” She challenged the validity of the claim i made about the supermarket being only 2 minutes away from my house.

“Ala mana aci! 2 minutes tu not from keluar parking sampai ke parking rumah i. Parking ni belok-belok, banyak bumps. Tolak parking okay?”

She just laughed. She laughed at everything – at the pictures of the overweight me with straight hair, at the Cleo magazines on my bookshelf, at the soft toys in which she later snuggled with. She laughed, we laughed together lying down side by side on the rug, hugging pillows and soft toys while watching The Simpsons before a movie started.

“Cepat, i nak ambik gambar you,” and i took a picture of her.

“Taknak!” and then i deleted the picture from my camera. The picture was a picture of her hiding her face with a pillow.

I cooked 2 dishes for her. The first one had become my signature – a very tasty omelet, a recipe i just created earlier that night. The second dish was aglio e olio pasta, a combination of recipes stolen from various places, gathered in my head and came out with my own but somehow it failed to perform. The pasta was lacking in flavour and texture.

“I reti basuh pinggan and potong bawang je,”

“Haha, it’s okay. I yang kena masak, you duduk sana, tengok movie cepat!” But she helped me with the garlics though.

“Eh pelik lah bawang putih ni. Macam lain je. Ok ke?” She commented on the garlics, and the way i chopped them leaves.

“Ok ape. I tak masak guna garlic atau cara memotong daun dan bawang yang salah. I masak guna jiwa dan perasaan.”

If there was truth in every glass of wine Diah and i had that wednesday evening, it would be our sincere companionship. She let me do my worst cooking and i let her laugh at me. A mutually beneficial interest. Laughing and cooking for friends is what i want to do for the rest of my life. I’ve told this to Anna Suraya while we were out partying, i’ve told this to Farah when we were out feasting on Japanese food. I’ve told this to myself since 2 years ago. That the purpose of my life, is to leave flaws manifest from my lousy cooking and to let laughters fix some colours into it.

So let honesty refine the texture, and let love be in the mixture in my cooking pan.

For home-cooked meals could connect friends.

The cold, gushing water made me shiver. The force of the rushing water threatened to sweep me off, but I held firmly to a rock.

I plunged into the water but saw only sand particles as the rays of sunlight made them glitter. I marvelled at my elder brothers’ ability to swim with the fishes.

Those were marvellous, enchanted days as we revelled in the innocence of childhood.

- Ti Thiow Kieap, The Star.

Ahhh…. the joy of reading such a beautiful piece.

I fed 2 empty spaces, one with a string of characters, the other one with a secret phrase. Seconds later, i was online.

“You busy? I’m bored,” this modern greeting i just received, it wasn’t automated, but it would the first to be responded.

“Let’s go makan la, I fucking miss you a lot,” i entered a more fashionable reply.

“Come to Plaza Damansara, there’s a nice Thai Restaurant here,”

“When?”

“Now.”

This was when the Malaysian now had become the Japanese now – it was too soon. Ovi decided i should come to Plaza Damansara immediately, i decided i should fall for Ovi’s dirty trick and fate decided we should meet in 15 minutes.

As though by magic, Ovi’s dirty trick quickly swept away her boredom and vanished the few notes in my pocket.

“Now!” Another few more notes vanished from my pocket. Ovi was a magician. She had lunch with me, went back to doing her work at the office, met me again for a movie, left me shopping alone because she had to catch a drink with her friend and then met me again for a late dinner – all in the same Tuesday.

Between meetings, i replaced Ovi with another friend – a less friendlier shopping cart. True enough, this was indeed a fascinating day – there was no escaping magic. This shopping cart perhaps had come from a religious cult of modern witchcraft – it was bloody good at turning my cash into premium fabrics to go with a new set of couch. “Life goes on,” it said while advancing its evil wheels to the nearest counter for another bewitching purchase. Before the frightening evening ended, i went back to meeting Ovi.

“Now, this is when i’m no more than just an ordinary girl,” the magic never stopped. Like a perfect blend of the art of persuasion and the sleight of hand, Ovi produced another tab for me. Clever Ovi believed in women’s rights and equality. She believed that any guy who wanted to listen to this idea, should pay for her dinner. I nodded “Yes Ovi.”

“Firdauz, look at that arab girl, how she eat yeah?”

“I don’t know, i’m curious myself. Let’s watch,”

“What is it called? That thing,”

“The veil? It’s called Purdah,”

“What?”

“P-u-r-d-a-h. Some call it niqab.”

We poured alcoholic drinks into our livers – let it heavily filter of the harmful substances. We witnessed the sadness with our eyes – let our hearts have compassion.

“They treat women like animals. How can she eat like that.”

This part, i partly agreed. I agreed that men should treat women better, but i disagreed with my own word – “should”. “Should” should only be used in a sentence where the subject of my concern, was the kind of person who would appreciate me using the word “should” as a strong advice and not just another weak personal opinion of mine. In this case, i doubted that the arab couple was in need of any of my advices.

It looked to me that they happily practicing of what they truly believed in – a divine doctrine from the 7th sky, touched down to the 3rd land from the sun and His words scattered and then collected by messiahs who brought us several holy books. And none of these holy books ordered its female followers to wear niqab. Niqab wasn’t a clear-cut order but merely a creative manipulation by the scholars.

And the creative belief had nothing to do with Ovi and me.

Which further made me lost the sadness and the compassion i had earlier. I suddenly felt better to pour more alcoholic drinks into our livers. If religious orders had made alcohol forbidden, yet it made those pious followers more drunk than us, then this one drink was on me.

Geez, cheers.

Hari ini aku hidup untuk makan Char Kuey Teow, ikan pari, nasi goreng, oyster, ABC. Ah… memang besar dosa aku.

=p

Refreshments, not heavy crime.

“Boss drag to lunch. Anothr thme yeah?” text masuk.

Selasa semalam. Di stesen LRT Dang Wangi hendak ke KLCC, satu lunch date terbatal. Aku panjat balik tangga ke langit tu, aku gubal balik plan di dunia nyata ini. Aku seorang yang impulsive. Diana seorang pro-dater.

Diana memang nama sebenar, nama ketiga yang jarang diketahui sesiapa. Diana memang pro-dater, dia keluar dengan hampir kesemua rakan pejabat aku di syarikat lama.

Aku memang seorang yang impulsive, aku jatuh cinta tak tengok kalendar. Jadi dengan Diana pun aku pernah berpura-pura, kononya takde rasa ape, konon aku itu gagal, jadi aku berhenti kerja. Bekerja di tempat baru, lupakan Diana, hidup gembira, sampai tiba satu tengahhari, Diana muncul kembali.

Sejak tengahhari itu, aku menjadi makin impulsive, terlebih drama, makin intense. Di kontotkan cerita, tak lama selepas tengahhari itu, Diana dan aku dah tak bertegur sapa. Hampir setahun. Hingga la minggu lalu dia muncul kembali di blog ini, mana dia jumpa blog aku, aku tak tahu. Korang tahu?

Jadi aku ajak Diana makan tengahhari semalam, sebab aku memang seorang yang impulsive, aku ajak tanpa awalkan perancangan. Pukul 11 lebih, aku hantar beribu bit tulisan dari talian Digi ke paparan skrin korang. Korang tak reply, ape jadah. Diana reply.

Diana reply 3 kali – satu tanya “kenapa”, 2 cakap “okay, sure”, 3 cakap “tak jadik, lain kali sahaja.”

Jadi lain kali sahaja aku tulis bahasa yang berbunga. Ini entri bersepah aku, entri impulsive tak teringin aku nak berbahasa baku.

Dari stesen LRT Dang Wangi, aku berubah ke shopping makanan ringan di Giant. Shopping gula dan kopi. Balik office. Pukul 3, lagi satu text masuk. Fariza ajak tengok wayang, aku ok kan sahaja. Sampai pukul 6 lebih, aku mula bosan dengan text-text Fariza yang orangnya pada pendapat aku, agak meterialistik.

“Shopping? Nak ikut! Menci la you ni!”

Aku kena marah sebab berkata benar. Memang benar balik dari office, aku bershopping di Midvalley, carik bag, beli benda yang tak perlu aku listkan disini, gunting rambut, makan asam laksa RM5.90 di Jusco yang banyak kenangannya.

5 tahun dulu, asam laksa ini aku beli hasil duit kongsi ex-girlfriend dan aku.

Jadi aku makan asam laksa yang harum baunya semerbak ini mengingatkan memori aku dan ex-girlfriend yang couple 8 tahun itu. 1997-2004. Aku dulu pecinta setia. Sebab itu aku benci bila korang jadik player.

Aku benci korang.

Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku benci. Aku tipu. Aku benci.

Aku masih benci korang.

Yang aku suka, aku nak tampal di blog ini.

Nama dia Kinder Joy – kanak kanak gembira kalau bahasa negara kita. Kawan baru yang aku beli semalam semasa di Midvalley.

Kalau aku ade sejuta ribu million, akan ku beli lagi banyak kawan baru.

Off to penang dengan marshmallow.