Before i become a ghost.

If you cut up my soul, and offer them to God, this is the story i’ll be telling you before i become a ghost.

There isn’t much time, love, come closer, put down the knife, i’ll forgive you. Oh you poor girl, here, grab my hand, put them, put yours onto my chest. Keep it there, love. For a while, before i become a ghost.

Sayang, do you know why you knifed your fury into my flesh, and why i let the cold steel to shorten my breath? No more tears, no more tears, listen, it is not your fault. I let it happen.

Sayang, there is hope for eternal happiness, listen to me carefully. There is hope for world peace, and there is hope to end every misery. I know this because i’m meeting my end and in every end, you get to know the answer. I see great courage in you. Something that i should have had, but never mind that because it is what we both have right now, is it not?

I’m not frightened of becoming a spirit and you’re a brave killer because you want tomorrow’s fate to follow yours, are we not courageous?

Sayang, you help me shape the world and i’ll tell you why i couldn’t be your lover — isn’t that why you were livid with anger?

I’ve been in love, my dear, never with you, and this is the story.

1.

“I’ll leave you with my sister, if anything happens to her, i’m gonna find you!” Dina’s sister warned me before she left us alone.

“Ok, hehe,” i tried to think of a joke, but i thought too long until Dina’s sister had disappeared. But even if she had waited for me for a funnier reply, i thought agreeing with her was the best answer. Should anything bad happen to Dina, i was the one to blame. “So kita nak pegi mana ni?” i asked Dina because i thought, should anything happen to me then, i would have her to blame.

“Let’s go Coffee Bean nak?” suggested Dina. She had braces on her set of teeth. When she talked, she reminded me of kittens and rabbits — she was so cute.

“Ok,” I smiled at Dina. Dina returned a smile. Oh, you’re a rabbit. A sweet and mildly dangerous smile. Oh, you’re a kitten. But her smile called out the tigress in her when she fired a twinkle from the corner of her eye. My legs were quickly weakened, so i walked with thousands of questions, and i walked along with Dina toward the cafe.

Then we stopped walking upon reaching the counter. And we looked into each other’s characters.

“I pay,” i took out two ten ringgit notes from my wallet.

“No, i pay,” she still had her money in her purse yet she wanted to win this fight. “I’ll pay you back,” told her.

Oh, i’m in love.

***

Sayang, i’m sorry to have not finished my story, because there isn’t much time. To summarize, i only have been in love twice and never with you.

I love you, and so do the many of you.

It’s hard, it’s hard to breathe now.