If I had an absolute extreme life.

[Updated on Wednesday, February 11th, 2009]

I’ve sold my soul to Rexona, i sold it cheap, 5 ringgit 90 cents because i very tak laku one.

=(

BUUUUUUUUTTTT, IF I HAD AN ABSOLUTE EXTREME LIFE, i would have sold it higher. 5 million ringgits maybe, who knows, i have the cleanest armpits, they schmell so nice.

I’m Firdauz, my armpits are my life, of course i do have an extreme life! What are you talking about, how extreme you want it to be? I’m a fisherman, and what i fish, are not men. Sadly, no. I don’t fish men, boo, i fish fresh experiences, things which i never experienced, liiikkkeeee making up sentences, peculiar sentences that don’t make much sense but they travel upwards and they scatter into stars.

Seeeeeeeeee? That’s what a fisherman does : we talk nonsense.

Now, Rexona has this contest that i know i’m no way near to winning any prize, in fact, i think i’ll do my own contest. It’s more extreme this way.

My lunch-date contest.

It has to be extreme, right?

So, you’re gonna turn up on an extreme lunch-date with me. I’ve done millions of lunch dates, and i have a success rate of 100%, which also means, i have 500 millions of girlfriends. Yes i do. One of them is Gisele Bündchen and is dying to marry me.

And by extreme lunch-date it means we eat things that we have never eaten before, and we do things we have never done before, like, throwing the plates and food to prepare ourselves for a tragic marriage, or, we visit the kitchen of any restaurant and we ask the chef to teach us how to boil an egg using a birthday cake candle, and if the chef scolds us out from the restaurant, we laugh at him first before we apologize ok.

And if this sounds too extreme for you, do you know that i cook? We can cook together and if the cooking turns out bad, i’ll blame you. Yes i will. I will even write a complaint letter to your mother.

And then we’re gonna do some charity. You’re gonna do the dishes while i go watch some movie and being lazy on the couch. That is a good charity.

And if everything sounds too extreme for you, you let me know how do you like to spend your day with me. I’m just suggesting some of them, the rest is actually up to you.

And of course, i’ll pay for every bill, and i’ll make sure my armpits schmell so nice. I’ll put on Rexona okay.

It’s a contest where everyone is a winner.

No one loses anything, really. You get to choose what kind of a new experience to have. You get to choose whether you want to swim with the dolphins, or beat up a loan shark or what ever things you’ve been longing to do.

Some of my past dates who enjoy doing silly stuff.

Even in the office, i have my Rexona with me.