Anomalous.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was the movie i watched after a can of Sprite; i drank it with a cup filled with 13 round ice cubes — i counted them with a black straw —, were hollow in the middle, just like the straw.

I had exchanged my usual Diet Coke with a can of Sprite, this was in the Yellow Cab Pizza before i went to watch the movie with 3 other guys. It wasn’t a thing i would usually do : to have pizzas with 3 other guys and to argue about the sizes and actually won the argument, or to drink Sprite, or to count ice cubes with a black straw, or even, to have remembered things like these.

My day for that evening began with an anomalous morning where i text a girl saying “You’re my girlfriend now” without even thinking that could push her further away — a thing that i had never done whimsically in my whole life but i did it because this girl made me feel strange feelings that i didn’t usually feel towards other girls. Things that i felt, sadly, were never the things that she felt so i thought of agreeing one thing with her : That i was, an idiot.

Being agreed that i was an idiot that morning, had put a lot of pressure on me, and this pressure was released in loud music i listened with borrowed headphones. The paradox of releasing stress with feeding more noise into my ear canals worked in the most mysterious way — i felt better and worse in every 20 minutes. I felt better that i was rejected — of the good things that could come, and i felt worse that it actually hurt, to have been rejected.

My t-shirt for that day had my name printed on it : Firdy — was tailor-made by a friend in Singapore, was a christmas gift. It didn’t spell ‘Idiot’ because my Singaporean friend had no idea of this particular strange day where i felt like a total idiot bearing my name proudly on the t-shirt and walked around the city trying to act smart by saying this to myself, “I’ll be happy tomorrow, and she will disappear.”

She never disappeared, not since we first met.

She appeared in every minute of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, she appeared as someone i could one day love, of someone i could tell that it would be okay not to love me back as much because she would be too young to understand, of someone who would tell me to stop dancing and singing like a penguin because she would feel embarrassed seeing me doing those every morning despite my age and for many hours in the cinema, i was thinking that in my age, real happiness and romance could only happen when the film was being projected onto the white screen, or when a writer, writes.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was the fictional movie i watched after a can of real-life Hope; i drank it with a plastic cup filled with shattered dreams — i couldn’t count them, they were too many —, but of course, were hollow just like my heart.

***

Lol, such a depressing entry.

I put happy pictures lah. I WANT CAMWHORE EVERYDAY AND CALL MY FRIENDS STUPID CAN AH.

Phew, =P