Firdauz takes 5

There was a giant star outside my window that evening. I don’t really remember which evening it was, i found the picture from my camera, taken maybe by a giant squid from Mars, or it could be my girlfriend. But i do think that the latter would satisfy the ontological parsimony of William of Ockham’s better than the former if i were to become a philosopher of a giant squid, or the latter.

Such words are not only weird and dangerous but if you remember the latter is my girlfriend and everything is about a giant star outside my window and if you don’t wonder like how i wonder, then perhaps a picture from my camera.

Then perhaps, no giant squid from Mars to satisfy a funky desire.

if you believe me, and i think you should, is that i got eaten by a cat. No, the cat didn’t think i was too fat.

But you do, stupid humans.

Miiiaooooowww.

Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. And the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than your right hand. It really is the most poetic thing I know about physics.

You are all stardust.

You couldn’t be here if stars hadn’t exploded. Because the elements, the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, iron, all the things that matter for evolution weren’t created at the beginning of time. They were created in the nuclear furnaces of stars. And the only way they could get into your body is if the stars were kind enough to explode.

So forget Jesus. The stars died so you could be here today.

- Lawrence Krauss, A universe from nothing.

In a bar, while drinking beer and eating a pork burger, i had told,

“KY, Karen is pregnant,” and while sipping the free beer and pointing at the second girl, i had continued, “but Michele is just fat.”

I mean like, come on you drunk people. How many times do i have to tell this. Karen is pregnant, and Michelle is just fat.

Selasa, pagi yang luar biasa, mesej segera masuk, “http://gadiscomel.com, wowee”

Mesej segera di balas, “Alhamdullillah.”

Isn’t it nice to spend your weekend drawing and planning to do your own animation with your loved one(s).

I’ll be 30 this year. That makes me a very-very old pervert! Haha. But hey, like everyone else, i just don’t want to stop dreaming and doing what i like.

So, The mighty Roboyah! is next.

Have a great weekend yeah everyone =)

KLue has linked him. Everyone on Twitter has retweeted him. Even Malaysia Kini has linked him. We only hope for the best. But if they send him to Kamunting for a very long vacation, — well, he probably will for uncovering evidence of online poll fraud, put up by the national religious body whose intention is very clear : “We insist on caning, your opinion does not matter. We have an algorithm for that. Every time someone says ‘no’ to canning, we double the number of ‘yes’. It’s autocratic, we mean automatic.”

Wowzer. Satu Malaysia! Semua boleh. Huhu =P

But anyways, in case they send him to Kamunting, or even me to Kamunting for everything that i am, i dedicate this video to him.

Huhu, don’t la go Kamunting ok? =P

Kata Si Perempuan.

Hari ini, Abang Misai akan memceritakan sebuah cerita dongeng. Dengar ya. Duduk lah rapat-rapat sikit dengan Abang Misai. Tapi, tak boleh raba tau!

Pada suatu hari yang asing, pada pagi sebelum tengah hari yang asing, Abang Misai telah menerima email yang berbunyi seakan-akan asing. Abang Misai tidak pasti lagi.

Benarkah email ini terlalu asing untuk diriku? Diam Abang Misai seorang diri memegang …

“Wait yeah, i read my email first.” Kata Abang Misai kepada rakan yang mahukan perhatian, dan membaca email tersebut,

Say hello to our new colleague…

Oh, jadi ada staff baru. Seronoknya! Terus, baca lagi email tersebut,

…likes reading, likes outdoor activities, hates Firdy (maybe), hates Michelle (i think so!), vegetarian, collects stamps, and used to be a flight attendant.

Oh, flight attendant. Seronoknya! Tengok gambar — hampir-hampir mengucap dan masuk ke syurga mungkin kalau mati — dan terus bertanya untuk sepenuh kepastian.

“She was a flight attendant? She was in cargo issit? DHL?”

Tiada jawapan. Melihat kepada gambar tersebut, saiznya mungkin,

“FedEx maybe?”

“Firdy, you’re so mean!” Kata feminists-feminists sepejabat.

Cerita ini dongeng semata-mata. Tiada kaitan dengan mana-mana feminist yang bersaiz obese yang bukan bernama Michelle, mahupun ketua feminist yang sangat garang yang bukan bernama Fresh.

For Carol and Tim, with love.

“Eh bro, when’s your anniversary yeah? It’s nearing — sometime this month right? Or is it past already ah?”

“Eh! Why you damn kepoh one ah?!”

Tim never liked my question. I could understand that. Not everyone is comfortable sharing their private lives with people like me.

Yeah, people like me. The kepoh baluchi type. I made up that word, kepoh baluchi.

Well, to be honest, i only kepoh and poke fun only at the people i care. It’s who i am. I believe that little hurts and little annoyance give people the chance to explore and express their raw feelings — it’s kind of lonely being clinically insane so i guess, i like my friends and the people i care to feel what i feel most of the time.

It’s kind of retarded to write such sentence, ain’t it?

But anyways, happy anniversary in advance to Tim and Carol whom i caught were holding hands in a car park late one night when they were still falling for each other, i think.

It’s what we live for, ain’t it?

To tell a guy to kiss a girl, to tell a girl to another girl for a twist. And to celebrate those who make this world, a better place by — i don’t want to say the world. You’ll figure it out.

Aha!

Berdasarkan kenyataan diatas, lengkapkan slogan dan alamat anda dan hantar ke 1800-200-namasayarahsia dan menangi hadiah berupa lelaki gemuk yang sedang mencuri tulang dari membuat kerja yang sepatutnya — seperti, memendekkan sesuatu yang panjang.